There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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