you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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