Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
