It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
