dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
