Me. At least after what I've been through.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize