that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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