it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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