video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
