I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
