Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize