Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
