guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
