I'm lost and stupid without you.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
