I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize