Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
