it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
