I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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