Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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