he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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