Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
