you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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