scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize