She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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