Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
