i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
