I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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