this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
