this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize