Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
