I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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