i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
