Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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