Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
