jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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