you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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