All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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