So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
