There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
