Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
