Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
