Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
