just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
