I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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