Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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