guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
