In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize