Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
