Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
