Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
