I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize