just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize