Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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