You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
