we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
