I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
