and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
