I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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