sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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