yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Randomize
