yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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