im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
