Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
