I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
