You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
