there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
