No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize