it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can text with my tongue
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
