in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I smell stomach acid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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