I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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