Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
