Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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