oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
