Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
