At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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