Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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